Remember those delightfully cheesy, late-night cable movies from decades past? Vampires of the Velvet Lounge desperately wants to be one of them. This campy horror flick, starring Dichen Lachman fresh off her acclaimed role in thriller series like 'Severance', aims for grindhouse nostalgia but ends up feeling more like a forgotten relic than a loving tribute.
A Premise with Potential, Lost in Execution
The setup is genuinely entertaining: a coven of ancient vampires, led by Elizabeth (Mena Suvari), runs a seedy absinthe bar in Savannah, Georgia, using online dating scams to lure their prey. With supporting players like Stephen Dorff and Tyrese Gibson, the film should be a riot of over-the-top fun. Yet, from the opening moments, it stumbles. The first act is bogged down by painfully obvious exposition, with characters explaining their centuries-old histories and blood preferences as if meeting for the first time.
Writer-director Adam Sherman borrows from the legend of Countess Elizabeth Báthory for his vampire lore, but the concept never develops beyond a basic hook. The lengthy, stylized opening credits try to evoke the iconic feel of shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but without giving viewers any reason to invest in the world or its characters.
Characters Adrift in a Sea of Clichés
The film introduces Cora (Dichen Lachman), a stoic assassin trying to trap Elizabeth through a fake online romance. While Lachman brings her signature screen presence, the script gives her shockingly little to do. Her character is sidelined for large portions of the narrative, a frustrating waste of an actor coming off such a prestige TV performance. The potential depth of her character, including hinted queer dynamics, remains unexplored.
Other characters fare worse. The female vampires are largely defined by their revealing costumes and predatory nature, while Cora's roommate (Rosa Salazar) exists primarily for voyeuristic shots that feel gratuitous rather than provocative. The film's attempt at a Tarantino-esque style lacks the substance or wit to back it up.
A Lone Bright Spot in the Coven
Amid the disappointment, India Eisley delivers a standout performance. As Joan, she brings a level of emotional commitment and internal conflict that the rest of the film sorely lacks. Eisley manages to find genuine feeling in clunky dialogue, suggesting what the movie could have been with more consistent character work. Her performance is a glimpse of a better, more cohesive version of this story.
Visuals and Horror That Miss the Mark
For a film leaning on aesthetics, the visuals are inconsistent. While the production design of the velvet lounge itself has some appeal, other sequences—like a chaotic car ride through Savannah—are jarringly poorly executed. The horror elements rely heavily on blood and gore without building any real tension or scares, making it a poor choice for fans seeking a genuine thrill. It's the kind of film that might make you reach for your phone, something even bingeable thrillers like 'The Watcher' manage to avoid.
Ultimately, Vampires of the Velvet Lounge feels like a missed opportunity. It has the ingredients for a fun, campy B-movie but fails to mix them with any skill or heart. For viewers craving vampire action, there are far richer sagas to stream, like the iconic crime epics on Paramount+. This lounge is one most entertainment fans can comfortably skip.
